Why I've Decided to Not Date for a Yearbook...Update #1

So it's been nearly three weeks since I made the decision to not date for the next year, and I must say it's been an interesting three weeks.

First of all, Satan has been out in full force since the decision was made.  From doubt to scrutiny by my loved ones to bringing up past sins, he's been all over me.  I didn't actually realize at first that that was what was going on.  One of my friends actually pointed it out to me.  I've always heard people say that the devil is after you most when you're getting closer to God.  They weren't lying!  It's been an uphill battle that I know is far from over.

But here's the thing about me...I'm stubborn.  Like really stubborn.  And I don't like being told I can't do something or being made to believe that I can't accomplish something.  So, I'm going to prove that beautiful fallen angel wrong. 

I will do this. 

I may stumble along the way, but in the end I will not let failure be an option because my God is STRONGER than any other.

This verse was mentioned in an online sermon I watched earlier this week and it was exactly what God wanted me to hear.

 

In HIS time!

 



5 Differences Between the Guy You Date and the Guy You Marry....

This is well worth the read!

5 Differences Between the Guy You Date and the Guy You Marry...

Why I’ve Decided Not to Date for the Next Year…

So I know some of you just read that title and thought, “Is this chick serious?!” Yeah, I am.

After years of dating and meeting all the Mr. Wrongs I could find, I’m ready to put one guy at the top of the list—Jesus. I’ve always had what I would consider a lukewarm relationship with Jesus. I go to church, I pray (albeit not as often as I should)..., and I believe with my whole heart that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. But that’s not enough anymore (nor was it really ever). It’s time I focus on my relationship with my Savior and stop putting everything else ahead of Him.

Dating is a hindrance for me because I spend so much of time and energy on it. I am a member of two dating websites (which are a crock….I’ll be writing a blog entry on those soon!) and I’ve not had one successful relationship (or friendship for that matter) emerge from either of them (and we’re talking several years of this…).

It hit me today in church when my pastor (Perry Noble, NewSpring Church) was talking about what hinders us from being close to Jesus. Dating is just that for me. It’s consumed so much of my life, and let’s be honest, I’m pretty sure that God keeps putting all these Mr. Wrongs in my path for a reason!

So, starting today, July 13, 2014, I will not date for an entire year! (Gasp!!! Whatever shall I do?)

Well…there are three areas of my life that I am going to focus on improving over the next year (I got these from an awesome service by Lee McDerment at NewSpring Church).

1. My relationship with Jesus…I desperately need to spend more time praying and studying God’s word. I get this awesome (and free!) devotion sent to my phone every day from www.newspring.cc. Now it’s time to stop skimming over it and actually read it, study it, and live it. EVERY DAY!

2. My Health…I’ve been overweight for most of my life. For the longest time I just accepted that this was who I was and that nothing I could do would change that. Now I realize that I shouldn’t be okay with just accepting it…I need to change it. Boy, oh boy, it’s not going to be easy. We’re talking changes eating habits and exercise habits for nearly 20+ years…but I’m determined because I want to be healthy so I can live a long, full life!

3. My finances…This one always stings the worst for me. I don’t know if it’s pride that causes me to have a hard time admitting that I’m terrible with money or what, but I am. I’m an impulsive spender and I don’t have good money management skills. I know that there is no way I’ll be able to be debt-free in 12 months, but I know I can establish a strict budge and stick to it. One of my amazing friends is going to be helping me about by being my accountability buddy throughout this year (and let’s face it…I need somebody to kick my rear if I try to spend money that I shouldn’t be spending).

So…A lot is going to be going on this year, and I know it’s not going to be easy and I know there are going to be days when I feel like giving up, but I’ve been blessed to have a strong support system of family and friends who aren’t afraid to set me straight or pick me up when I fall.

Do I expect to find the elusive “ONE” after this year? No…the good Lord knows when I’ll meet him and until then I have other things to focus on in life!

I’ll be posting each month on the 13th to track my progress with each of these goals…to quote one of my favorite books “May the Odds Be Ever in My Favor"!

You are Worth the PURSUIT!!!

Have you ever had one of those moments where you have read or heard something that made you squirm in your seat or avoid eye contact with someone?  You know, one of the moments where you think, “Oh crap!  They’re talking about me

I’ve had quiet a few of those over the years, but I don’t think I’ve had a reaction to something as fiercely as I did one particular book that I read about three years ago.  I literally had to put it down many times before I could finish it.  Don’t get me wrong, it was a FANTASTIC book, but it was one of those that hit too close to home way too much.  Parts of made me felt ashamed of myself, while other parts made me feel sad for people I’d seen do some of the things the book was referencing.

What book would this be, you ask?  It’s probably not what you’re expecting…

Here it is…

Anyone else read this one?  If you haven’t, please do…it’s written by a guy (with a woman’s view as well) and it will open your eyes!

If you did read it, did you feel as uncomfortable and just plain embarrassed as I did?  Gah!  It was not fun reading this one, but it was a definite eye opener.

I could tell at that point that God was really working on me when it came to my attitude towards dating and being single.  I had hit this point in my life where I felt like a failure because I wasn’t in a serious relationship.  At that time, I was 27 and I had just bought my first house.  Here I was feeling like a true grown up for the first time, and the lack of “love” in my life made me feel like I wasn’t successful.  It’s a very lonely feeling and I started to question God as to why I hadn’t been able to find someone yet.

Has that happened to you?

A few weeks after I finished reading this book, I heard a sermon about love and relationships.  The pastor did a really good job of addressing not only the married people, but also the singles.

I began to see a connection between that book and the sermon…the pastor said it best.
“A man should pursue a woman the way Christ pursues the church.”

Wow!  This statement changed my view of dating and relationships in a big way.
I’m not going to lie here…I was so guilty of several of the “excuses” women use when it comes to dating (“He’s Intimated by Me” and “Maybe He Doesn’t Want to Ruin the Friendship” excuses were my biggest ones!).  I think I’ve heard every excuse Greg Behrendt identifies.  If I’m not guilty of saying or doing it, then I know someone who is!
It’s scary, ladies!  When did we resort to making excuses for why we don’t have a date/boyfriend?  I think it’s a coping mechanism we use so we don’t feel bad about ourselves.  We have to put a stop to this!

 

 

Once I started letting go of that notion that I had to make things happen, I couldn’t believe how much happier I felt.  My stress levels decreased and it was so much easier to enjoy my life.  God has taught me a lot about me over the past few years.  I certainly do not have it all figured out, but I’ve learned to stop whining and complaining about what I don’t have and just be thankful for all the blessings God has given me.

 

 

Ladies. if you spend your time pursuing God, then you will be blessed immeasurably!  I know I’ve used these before, but they’re so great that I’m going to share them again!

My prayer for all of you is that you grow to love yourself just as God loves you!  I pray that you realize that you are worthy of someone pursuing you in a passionate, Godly way.  You DESERVE the best God has to offer!

Valentine's Day...Time to Celebrate!

Ahhhh Valentine’s Day…most people get really excited for this holiday because of the promise it brings.  Promise of really nice gifts…or a really nice dinner…and quality time with that person you love the most.

But for singles, Valentine’s Day is usually one of the more depressing days of the year.  There’s a saying i saw a few years ago, and quite frankly it never did sit well with me.  You may have seen it too…”Happy Singles’ Awareness Day!”

I don’t know about you, but I’m perfectly aware everyday that I’m single.  From the moment I wake up and I can stretch out across my bed and not worry about someone stealing the covers or taking up my precious space on the bed.  That thought always puts a smile on my face.
To the clever individual who marketed that phrase…we know exactly how single we are, and I personally think it’s quite insensitive of you to feel the need to point out that fact.

So, my dear single friends, I propose that this year on Valentine’s Day we take a stand!  No more sitting home alone, eating candy your family/friends (or in my case–students) gave you, watching sappy love movies!!!!!

This Valentine’s Day…go out with your friends!  Dress up, go to dinner, go see a movie (About Last Night comes out on Friday–it looks hilarious!)…

You are LOVED!  Just because you don’t have a romantic love interest, doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the love you do have in your life.  Celebrate your family and friends!  Let them know how much you love them.  Trust me, sometimes they need to hear more than you think.

Don’t sit home and wallow…CELEBRATE!  Enjoy your life!

PS–If you’re a married person and you have a single person in your life, let him/her know how much they mean to you!  Send them a card or flowers or candy…make them a care package or give them a giftcard (Starbucks is my favorite!).

Hard to Love

Hard to Love

If you haven’t heard this song, take a listen now.

Now I know the song is meant to be a love song, but I want to look at it from a different perspective.  I know we all have those people in our lives who are just hard to love.  Sometimes it seems like they purposefully do things to drive us crazy (you know you what I’m talking about!).

But I want to tell you about the person I’ve had the hardest time loving…

That person is ME.

I’ve spent many years of my life not feeling like I was good enough…call it the curse of the oldest child or that of a perfectionist, but either way I’ve never felt like I was enough.
A lot of my feelings of unworthiness came from my own fears and expectations of myself.  Self-image is something that’s always been a sore spot for me.  I’ve always been my own worse critic in everything.  I never thought I was pretty, and I’ve always battled with my weight (still do to this day).  Most of my teenage years were spent trying to find ways to make myself feel pretty, which most of the time just led to more heartache because I never felt like I measured up.   I was smart, but not the smartest.  I was funny, but not the funniest.  I was sweet, but not the sweetest.

It takes a toll on your self-esteem when you never feel like you’re good enough for anything.
As I journeyed through my twenties, I learned more about myself than I ever thought possible.  The first half of my twenties saw me learning about the kind of person I wanted to be and the kind of person I didn’t want to be.  I started to realize that no one was ever truly going to love me until I loved myself (but my biggest problem was learning how to love myself–that’s the tricky part).

The second half of my twenties brought some very interesting life lessons.  After growing the backbone I’d been missing for years (I was the biggest doormat EVER), I lost several friends.  At the time, I was once again was hit with that overwhelming fear of not being enough for them.  But, by the grace of our sweet Lord, I realized that their problem was just that…THEIR problem (not mine).
I’ve learned that people will absolutely disappoint you and break your heart.  That old saying that the only person you can trust is yourself rings true when you encounter situations that make you question things about people and yourself.
 

But what do you do when the person you can’t trust is yourself?

The only answer I could come up with is to PRAY.  It took a lot of prayer and a lot of self-examination for me to get to the point where I felt like I could love myself.  I think one thing that helped me the most was to really learn about myself.  One of the best books I read during this time was “The Five Love Languages for Singles” by Gary D. Chapman.  This book also helped me to relate better to others and see why certain people act the way they do.
We are all “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalms 139:14).  I’ve come to realize that if GOD loves me, then why shouldn’t I love me?  He sent His Son to die for my sins…the enormity of that just blows my mind and does something inexplicable to my heart.  If the Creator of all things can love me, then I should love me too.  If He can forgive me for my sins, then I can forgive me too.

Now, I don’t worry about measuring up or being enough.  God’s love is enough.  If I’m enough for God, then I’m more than enough for everyone else.

 

 

 
 
The first person you need to fall in love with is God…once you have Him in your heart, then you have to fall in love with yourself.

YOU ARE ENOUGH AND YOU ARE WORTHY!

7 Non-Negotiable Traits for Finding the Right Man...

So many times I’ve had people say to me that I’m too picky when it comes to the guys I date.  In my younger days, I’ll admit I was a little too wrapped up in physical appearances.  Over the course of my twenties, I learned that appearances can be very deceiving.  Sometimes those guys that you wouldn’t spare a second glance are actually the really good ones, and those really nice looking ones that get your attention are sometimes just plain ole jerks!
After talking to a group of my girls, we’ve compiled a list of qualities we think are non-negotiables when it comes to dating.

1. He has to be a CHRISTIAN.  Like a true, blue, in love with God, Christian.  I don’t mean one of those guys that claims to be a Christian, but yet you can’t find any evidence of Christ in his life at all.  A man should be on fire for God because one day he is going to be the spiritual leader of his family.

2.  Your dream guy should treat you with RESPECT.  One of my girls said it best…Look at how he treats his mother.  That’s a strong indication of how he’ll treat you.  He should respect everything about you including your choices.  Don’t ever settle…EVER!

3. He must be HONEST.  Lies are poisonous and they destroy everything in their path.  You need a man who will tell you the truth, even when it hurts.

4. He needs to LOVE you for who you are and not who he wants you to be.  If he tries to change things about you, then you’re better off without him.  Sweetheart, you need to love yourself completely before you can let a man love you, and if you do, then he can’t change you.

5. He needs to be FINANCIALLY stable and CAREER focused.  Now, financially stable does not mean he’s rich…it means that he knows how to manage his money and makes smart choices with money.  One of my girls was married to a guy who never consulted her on big purchases and it caused a TON of problems in their marriage.  Make sure he knows what he wants in life…he needs to have a JOB!!!!  If he won’t work now, he sure won’t work after you’ve married him.

6. He can’t be JEALOUS and/or POSSESSIVE.  Jealousy and possessiveness are signs of a weak person.  If he’s truly focused on God, then these will be two emotions he won’t have.  Please, sweet girl, avoid men who show jealousy and possessiveness…these are two major red flags of someone who will abuse you (mentally, verbally, and physically)!

7.  He needs to know how to have FUN and LAUGH!   I come from a family where laughter takes up much of our time together.  I want someone who will laugh with me, and at me (because let’s face it, I’m a klutz).  He needs to be able to find ways to have fun that don’t involve alcohol.  Please stay away from the guy that drinks all the time…if he spends most of his time with the bottle, then he’ll value that more than anything else, including you.  Find a guy that likes to go to amusement parks, the bowling alley, the movie theater, a road trip, or anything else that tickles your fancy (PS–Him playing video games ALL DAY does not equate fun, unless you’re playing with him!).  Fun and laughter will help keep the spark in your romance.
Check out this blog for some really awesome fun date ideas:  The Life of Faith: 25 Fun Date Night Ideas
So, my dear friend, please take these suggestions to heart when considering a guy.  And, remember…never, ever settle!

He's the Man!

I don’t know about you, but it’s very easy for me to picture the “perfect” man.  He’d look something like this (that smile!)…

 

Or this (those brown eyes!)….

 

Or this (let’s take a moment to just appreciate Mr. Jackman)…

 

Whew…is it hot in here or is it just me?

Now that I’ve thoroughly distracted you with the eye candy above…it’s time to get to the point.

There is NO perfect man!!!!!  Even the beautiful ones have their flaws just like we do.
I grew up in a house with three men…my daddy and my two younger brothers.  Nothing will teach you more about men than having brothers!  There isn’t much a man can say or do now that surprises me because I think I’ve seen or heard it all over the years.  Thanks, Seth and Jacob!

It’s so easy to get caught up in our expectations of the “perfect” guy that we often forget that reality exists.  Even though appearances are nice, they’re just the icing on the cake.  Have you ever been to a bakery and admired the beautiful displays they have?  Yeah, those aren’t real (I did not learn this until a few years when I was watching one of my favorite shows, Amazing Wedding Cakes!).  They’re just Styrofoam with icing on top.  WHAT?!
Physical appearances are just the same…pretty icing does not make up for Styrofoam on the inside!  BLEH!  I don’t know about you, but I want the yummiest, most amazing cake on the inside!

 

Girl, be glad that our heavenly Father is doing us a favor by saving us for the SPECIAL man!  How awesome is it going to be when you find him?

 

This literally gives me the chills!  This is what I want…and it’s going to be so worth it.   So until then…

 

You Already Have the Most Amazing Love Story...

As I was sitting in church this morning listening to my wonderful pastor preach about God’s love, I felt a peace settle over me because I realized that even if I never find love here on Earth, I’ve already got the greatest love story ever.
I’ve been a follower of Christ since I was twelve years old.  I was raised in church from the time I was born, and my parents set a great example of what it means to be a Christian.  Now, that doesn’t mean that I’ve lived my life perfectly (because the good Lord knows I’m one of the most imperfect people out there).  Throughout the trials and tribulations in my life, I’ve always felt peace when I’ve called upon God.  His unwavering and unconditional love always mystifies and uplifts me more than anything else in this world.
Pastor Joel talked about how we can’t truly love anyone else until we understand God’s love for us.  I agree with this 100%.  I believe that in order to have love with another human being, we must first have that relationship established with God.

 

 

Over the years, I’ve seen many folks get married, and I’ve been so blessed to be part of their happiest memories.  Unfortunately, not all of those marriages have worked.  There are always a million different reasons why a relationship ends.  One common thread I’ve noticed with some of the folks I’m closest to is that they entered into their marriage because they were looking for someone to fill some kind of void.  I’ve heard people say, “If I can just get married, then I’ll finally be happy.”  Sadly, marriage is not a remedy for an unhappy life.

I found this quote on Pinterest some time ago, and I fall more in love with it every time I see it.  As single people, we need to learn that we have to first love God and ourselves before we can ever hope to love someone else.

I don’t know about you, but I’d really love for my future husband to be so in love with God and respect himself.  That’s the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and be a father to my children.  God knows who he is and God knows when it will happen.  Until then, I’m going to love God and myself with all my heart so I can be the best wife for that man.

 

Oh my Gosh! You're 30 and Still Single?!

If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say this, I’d have enough money to buy that super cute dress I saw on Pinterest the other day!

I remember back in my college years (I graduated in 2006, by the way) that I’d be married with at least one kid by the time I turned 30.  Well, 30 is knocking on my door and will be here April 26th!   And, I’m no where near being married, let alone having a child.  (Yes, I was raised with the belief that you should be married when you have kids.)  So, what’s wrong with me?

My answer would be…NOTHING!  I live a perfectly normal life.  I’m an elementary school teacher, I own my own house and car, and I have a close group of friends and family who I love dearly.  I’ve also never had a serious relationship that’s lasted longer than three months.
Most people ask me, “Why?  You’re pretty, smart, funny…why are you still single?”
The short answer is that I REFUSE to settle.  God hasn’t shown me the man I’m meant to marry (at least I don’t think I know him right now).  I spent a majority of my twenties thinking that there was something fundamentally wrong with me.  I’ve cried many tears and eaten my way through many pints of ice cream, but it hit me one day last year that there isn’t anything wrong with me.  I’m by no means perfect, believe me.  But, when it comes down to it, I’m still single because I’ve chosen to follow God and let Him lead my path.
This blog will serve as a way to (hopefully) inspire other single ladies (and men!) to embrace the single life and realize that God has a plan for you that is so much bigger and better than you could ever imagine.